her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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