Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
