can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
