I love black thongs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
