I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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