Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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