Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
