yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize