Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize