Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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