worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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