I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
