do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
