my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
