I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
