I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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