I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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