It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
