I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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