I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
