I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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