he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
