me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
