I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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