this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
