I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
