my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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