we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
