No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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