Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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