chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
