is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
