We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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