Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize