The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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