I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize