Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
