he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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