i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize