i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
