Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
