TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
