Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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