tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
