i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
