Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
