She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
