I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
