I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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