look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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