i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
