He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
