Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What a dumb baby whore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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