I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
