Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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