Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As shirtless as possible
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
