So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
