youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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