i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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