Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
