guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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