He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
lets start a swedish sibling band together
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
