Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
