i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
